Posted on May 26, 2026
I’ve always known that in our family dynamic I was not the cool parent. I am sure this will come as a great surprise to all of you, but my wife Micol is much cooler than I am – and our children agree. What I didn’t realize was that I am actually considered to be the embarrassing parent.
The problem for my children is now that I realize this, I feel like I have to lean into it and embrace this side of my personality. If they are going to be embarrassed by me anyway, then I might as well have some fun with it.
There are now moments when I am with the kids, I can see in their faces or just the way they tense up that they are starting to feel a little embarrassed by me. At that point my brain knows I have a choice – I can step back from the brink or I can jump with two feet into full blown embarrassment. Invariably, and I know this will surprise you, I opt for the latter approach.
I like to think that this degree of embarrassment is character building. They are developing coping skills and developing resilience that will be good for them as they grow and develop. I also like to think, although I’m likely misguided, that deep down they see the funny side, even if they don’t want to admit it publicly. What I am sure about is that these feelings of embarrassment are fleeting, once I stop they quickly relax, the redness disappears, and everything returns to normal.
It is uncomfortable to be embarrassed, but it is generally bearable and temporary. In contrast there are the feelings associated with shame. While this is a related experience, its impact and the way that it can linger leave a lasting and potentially damaging impression. On a personal level the feelings of shame are so powerful because they serve to isolate a person. The experience of shame can cause feelings of inadequacy, of being less than, of being unworthy.
Judaism regards shame as being so negative that in the Talmud we actually read that anyone who shames a person publicly, it is as though you were spilling their blood and killing them.1
We can feel personally embarrassed or ashamed, but there is another kind of shame that many of us wrestle with — not shame about ourselves personally, but shame on behalf of something larger than ourselves. Sometimes people feel ashamed of the actions of a nation, a government, an institution, or even a community. It is the feeling that arises when something done in our name violates our deepest values. And that kind of shame can be especially complicated, because it lives in the tension between belonging and disappointment. We may still love the institution, while simultaneously feeling heartsick about choices that betray what we believe it is meant to stand for.
This is not an easy sermon for me to deliver.
We are living through a time when Israel is being vilified in ways that are unjust, antisemitic, libelous, and untrue. We can debate the conduct of Israel’s war in Gaza, we can debate the US and Israeli war against Iran, and we can acknowledge that Israel is not perfect. But the way that parts of the media and various so-called human rights organizations repeatedly attack Israel with untrue claims emerging from terrorist entities cannot be and must not be tolerated.
We saw this last week on the pages of the New York Times where Nicholas Kristof engaged in an opinion piece that gave voice to accusations that to my mind stepped into the world of conspiratorial antisemitism. The justification published by the paper’s editorial board yesterday has done little to convince me that his opinion piece is not much more than a hit job on Israel that relies on solitary and sometimes unreliable sources.
Let me be clear, I do unfortunately believe that there are abuses of Palestinian prisoners being perpetrated in Israeli prisons, and that must be addressed. But I do not believe the wild claims in Kristof’s piece and I do not believe that this is part of a systematic policy from the Israeli Government.
Two things can be true: Kristof’s piece pedals the lies of antisemites, Hamas-sympathizers, and terrorists. And there are issues in Israel which must be addressed and about which we cannot remain silent.
In the past Israeli politicians and certain groups within Israeli society would cause me embarrassment. Thankfully the incidents were sporadic and often met with repercussions, so that the feelings were fleeting. Unfortunately, today we are witnessing certain actors in Israel behaving in ways that cannot be characterized as simply embarrassing, they are shameful and must be condemned.
Let me be clear, I still love Israel, I remain steadfastly committed to Israel’s right to defend herself against her enemies, and I am dedicated to Israel’s survival as a Jewish and democratic state. My feeling of shame, my need to speak out comes from a place of love. If I did not love Israel so much it would be easy to remain silent, but I cannot and I will not. And as my community, where I have preached frequently about Israel and promoted our relationship with her, I must share a full picture of what is happening.
This past week another flotilla sought to break Israel’s naval blockade of Gaza. These endeavors are PR stunts that promote a Hamas-driven narrative and do nothing to really help the Palestinian people. And Israel has a right to intercept these boats and to detain the perpetrators. But there is a way to do it and a way not to do it. Prime Minister Netanyahu actually praised the Israeli navy commandos who oversaw the mission and detained the participants peacefully, with minimal fuss and fanfare.
But then a minister in his own Government, the reprehensible National Security Minister Itamar Ben Gvir posted a video to social media.2 In a room filled with bound and kneeling flotilla activists, this Government minister, wearing his kippah, taunts the detainees while Hatikva plays in the background and he waves an Israeli flag. It was not only an unnecessary provocation, it was an act that damages Israel’s standing in the international community. It feeds the agenda of people like Kritstof. It crossed a line so that even Prime Minister Netanyahu condemned him saying that his actions were “not in line with Israel’s values and norms.” He used his words, but he did very little else to condemn the minister.
This was just the latest act of provocation from a man who was never fit to be a minister of the Israeli government. Prior to his election Ben Gvir had multiple convictions for incitement to racism, and as a minister this behavior has continued with racist statements and acts that have fed the narrative of Israel’s enemies, trying to drive a wedge between the Jewish and Arab populations in the country. And his frequent tours of the Temple Mount are provocative acts that have real consequences in harming the delicate status quo in Jerusalem. I am ashamed that he is a minister in the Government of Israel. And I am ashamed that the flag I love, the anthem I love are being used in such a way by a man wearing the identifiable symbol of the religion I love. The Times of Israel Editor David Horowitz wrote that Netanyahu should fire Ben Gvir, but he hasn’t and he won’t.
Shame.
But Ben Gvir is not alone in this Government. On Wednesday, May Golan, who is laughably the Social Equality Minister spoke in the Knesset, Israel’s Parliament, and attacked Reform Rabbi Gilad Kariv.3 She was speaking in defense of a convicted felon whom she intends to hire, and she lashed out at the Rabbi. She attacked him because of his association with Women of the Wall, an organization that promotes egalitarian prayer. And she accused him,a and these are her words of “marrying dogs in your delusional synagogues.” This is a minister in the Government of Israel who is not only attacking Rabbi Kariv, but is in reality attacking each and every one of us, we are in one of these delusional synagogues where she accuses him and by extension I assume our clergy of marrying dogs.
May Golan is not a member of an extremist right-wing party like Ben Gvir, she is a member of Prime Minister Netanyahu’s own Likud party. Her hateful words drew a response from Israel’s Ambassador to America, Yechiel Leiter, who condemned her “in the strongest terms” and wrote: “As an Orthodox Jew and as Israel’s representative to the United States, I find her words disgusting and reprehensible, worthy of excoriation and rebuke,” But the Prime Minister has remained silent and May Golan remains not just a member of his political party, but a minister in his Government.
Shame.
And all of this is taking place against the backdrop of repeated acts of violence and hate from West Bank settlers against the Palestinian population there. Jewish extremists have rampaged through Palestinian villages attacking people and property. And all too often these acts of aggression are met with minimal consequences. This past week a 25-year-old man from Jerusalem was charged with taking part in three Jewish terrorist attacks on West Bank Palestinians.4 It was striking because it marks a rare effort by the Israeli authorities to prosecute a Jewish extremist for this type of crime. It has been devastating to read the repeated reports of Israelis acting in this way and behaving in ways that are an anathema to our Jewish values.
Shame.
So what are we to do?
I believe that our love for Israel must lead us to pursue two paths of action simultaneously. We must continue to speak out against those who demonize Israel, who pedal lies about Israel, and who seek her destruction. But we must also be willing to offer words of reproach and rebuke to those within Israeli society who undermine her Jewish and democratic character, who reject the Jewish values she seeks to uphold, and who behave in ways that feed into the hands of her enemies.
The response to shame is not to stop caring. In many ways, the apathy that can come from shame has the potential for exacerbating a situation and leading to far more dangerous consequences. The antidote is the ability to remain engaged without surrendering either conscience or hope. The Prophets of the Bible model this behavior. They spoke with fierce moral urgency about the failures of society, but they did so from a place of love, from a continued covenantal commitment, from an understanding that they still had a part to play in the Israelite project. Their criticism emerged not because they had abandoned their people, but because they refused to abandon them, and remained committed to believing that they could be better.
Israel is about to enter an election season as the Knesset begins the walk towards October’s vote. We must look for ways to engage with that process and to promote the voices and groups within Israeli society who are standing up to the Ben Gvirs and May Golans. The people who are promoting a vision of Israel as a Jewish and democratic state, a light unto the nations, a model for what is possible. I hope and pray that these elections will bring a new Government to Israel – one that rejects Jewish extremism and charts a new path. One that follows our Jewish values: veahvta lereecha kemocha – you shall love your neighbor as yourself, Tzedek Tzedek tirdof – justice justice you shall pursue it, and lo taametz et levavecha velo tikpotz et yadecha – do not harden your heart and shut your hand.5
Listening to the voices of the opposition who speak out against the most hateful actors in this Government, I have hope about what that future could be. Seeing the ways in which Israeli civil society has continued to engage despite the very real dangers and challenges in a post-October 7th world brings me hope. Speaking to my Israeli friends and family and hearing about the ways in which they are protesting and campaigning reminds me that Israel has always been so much more than just its Government.
Shame becomes destructive when it convinces us that failure is final, that there is no possibility for repair, growth, or redemption. But Jewish tradition insists otherwise. The language of Judaism is not perfection; it is teshuvah. Return. Repair. Renewal. I remain committed to the idea of Hatikva – the hope that is embodied in the State of Israel.
To love Israel is not to believe she is perfect. To love Israel is to refuse to give up on what she can still become. Judaism commands us to never confuse disappointment with despair. And so we will continue to hope, continue to act, continue to speak, and continue to believe that we, each and every one of us, can be active in supporting the ever-evolving story of the State of Israel, the ending of which is not yet written.
To love Israel is not to believe she is perfect. To love Israel is to refuse to give up on what she can still become. Judaism commands us never to confuse disappointment with despair. And so we will continue to hope, continue to speak, continue to act, and continue to believe that we can be active in the supporting the ever evolving story of Israel that is still being written.
